The Not So Starcrossed Couple
by See No Dum-Dums
Summary: Related to Beyond Happily Ever After. What if Aeris doesn't die but instead gets married? The possibilities! Honeymoons? Real estates? Wardrobe talks? Shopping sprees? Kids? [Series of loosely connected babbles. Cloris] I'M BAAACK! to haunt naughty kids
1. The Wedding That Might Have Been

_Nope, Sqaure-Enix is still not inclined to handing Aeris over to me. Darn! (I might have to take the character by force soon…)_

_But, as of now, I still do not own Aeris, or any other copyrighted FF7 material for that matter._

* * *

Yes, yes, I know what you may be thinking: Aeris died, didn't she? How on earth did she rise from the grave to live a full life? Yeah, well, this series of loosely-connected babbles is concerned with the idea of what could have happened if Sephiroth failed to kill our favorite half-Cetra and everything turned out to be … hmmm … _perfect_. Although I have played with such a theme elsewhere (see _Beyond Happily Ever After_), I now present a whole lifetime – well, almost – of possibilities as compared to only one glimpse of what could have been. And yes, this is Cloris, or Cleris, or Clorith, or Clerith, or CloudAeris, or Cloud x Aeris, or whatever you'd wanna call it. Sorry, Clotis, but I'm an Aerist. (Oooh, I worship Aeris now?!) Hey, no offense, Teef's cool too, y'know.)

…

…..

…….

"No, you can't. Brides are not supposed to see the groom on the day of the wedding – until the wedding itself, of course."

Tifa Lockheart was trying her best to tie the bride's long coffee-colored hair into a bun. It did not help that her best friend Aeris' tresses were left too … um … _freestyle _(and by that Tifa meant "hanging around carelessly over her face") for too long, and that the brunette was fidgeting a lot. Heh. Jitters.

"Didn't hear it like that," piped in Yuffie, who was now 19 and, miraculously, properly attired for the wedding. She was attempting to apply some make-up on Aeris' face. "The superstition said that 'the groom cannot see his bride in her wedding dress before the wedding' or something like that. But then," Yuffie paused for a while, nodding, apparently thinking hard, "you already _are_ wearing the wedding dress, sister." She took some time to gaze at the flower girl's white gown. It was long and flowing, leaving her smmoth shoulders bare, and it was shimmering like diamonds. A white silver pendant (with an emerald gem) accentuated her silky neck and her bright eyes. Wow. "So, it's a no go."

Tifa and Aeris stared into each other's eyes, red at green, for a moment before shaking their heads: the hyperactive ninja had just refuted her own premise for them. Surprise, surprise.

"But I wanna go see how Cloud's doing," the bride groaned. The mere sight of him would reassure her, for sure. His Chocobo hairstyle (she giggled at the thought of this), his tentative half-smile, his cocky nods, his beautiful sapphire eyes… that would be enough to calm her, really.

Who on the Planet came up with this whole marriage thing, anyway?

Oh, yeah. It was she. Whoops.

But she was the one being driven panicky! Waaaah!

Tifa clapped her long fighter's hands on her shoulders. "Don't worry. Cloud's alright. Promise," she spoke in a soothing voice, covertly brushing away Yuffie's horrible make-up job.

…

Cloud never felt more squeamish in his entire life. And that included seeing Jenova the first time around.

He was wearing a suit! A freaking suit! It did make him look prim and proper and all that, but it was so hot, he couldn't breathe! Cloud wondered whether he could actually survive from suffocation to get on with this wedding.

"Yo, Spike! Yeh gotta pull yerself together, y'know!"

Barret was slamming his back with a heavy prosthetic hand (which was actually a gun-arm in its inactive mode). Somehow, it was more painful that comforting. Thanks, Barret.

"You goddamn sonofab$$$h!" Cid growled. "That's nothin' compared to me and Shera. Hell, it was one heck of a f$$$in' weddin'."

Oh, yeah. Cid was positively throwing up back then. But the mental image didn't help, to be truthful. Heh. It was far from helpful.

"Relax, m'boy!" Cait Sith was saying. (Reeve said he was too busy with the WRO, so he didn't come.) "I'm sure Aeris is pretty composed herself right now."

"Yeah…" Cloud muttered. "I guess…"

Well, it was she who planted the whole idea into his head the first place.

"Oh, come on!" Barret roared at Cait Sith. "What d'ya robo-cat know 'bout freakin' marriages, in the firs' place?!"

"Excuse me, but I happen to be a human being controlling this stuffed feline," Reeve countered through Cait Sith's speech system.

"Well, tha' makes ya even more deranged, ain't it?!"

A large stuffed moogle began pounding its giant fists at Barret. "Take that! And that! And _that_!" screamed the fake cat.

"Well, as I once said, Cloud," the cat continued amid Barret activating his gun-arm and puncturing the moogle with bullets, "you two are perfect for each other. So no worries, okay?"

…

It was about a year ago, right after those Remnant stuff and all.

He was leaning against the safety railing outside the soaring Highwind (yes, "Highwind": Cid had the whole thing repaired as "Shera", but I'd prefer to still call it the "Highwind", sorry.)

And then, he found himself being joined with the person he loved more than anyone else in his entire life.

"Say, Cloud," she began, her hands clasped behind her back, swaying playfully. "We're heroes now, huh?"

"Erm, yeah, I guess," he answered, shrugging.

Aeris leaned on the rail, too. Now they were beside each other.

"And the Planet's safe and all."

"You know that better than I do. Do your Cetra thing, just to check."

She giggled at such a stupid suggestion. "The Planet is not omniscient, you know. Nor were the Cetra," she explained. "No one can be completely sure about everything. Not Shinra, not Sephiroth, not Jenova, not you, and not even me."

She drew herself nearer to him.

"But," she added, "we can be sure of _some things_."

…

"And I now pronounce you," the minister declared in a happy, booming voice, "man and – well, if you want it that badly…"

Cloud and Aeris were already kissing with such passion, he bending over her, caressing her smooth face, she holding on to his shoulders, raising her head up to him.

"…You… well, seeing you've already kissed your bride…"

Everyone began applauding (after getting over the initial shock, that is).

Cid and Barret were hugging each other like good ol' buddies, cheering.

Red XIII was nodding to Cait Sith, who played the Victory Fanfare through his megaphone.

Yuffie and Tifa were sobbing with joy.

Vincent… well, Vincent's Vincent.

And even the Turks were there. After all, they helped save the world against the Remnant, too. So that feud was ended.

Rude was silent.

Reno, watching the couple kiss, was licking his lips. He then exclaimed loudly, "Mmmm, nice! Yummmm-meeeeh!" Then, turning to a nearby Elena, he called out, winking, "Hey, 'Laney? Wanna try that one, yo?"

…

An ambulance dropped by minutes later to pick up a heavily injured redhead.

…

But it was just the beginning.


	2. The Not So Ideal Honeymoon

She was kneeling down, praying amid the silence of the Forgotten Capital. There, home at last, she seemed much more beautiful: she was unearthly, celestial even. And she was smiling. Oh Odin, she was smiling. And even that smile was different. It was not the mischievous smile she had worn when she bargained for his bodyguard services for a date, when she coaxed him to put on a lady's attire, or even the time when she pulled him into the Speed Square and drove him dizzy.

She was… an… angel.

She looked up at him, still smiling…

And then…

She –

A black and silver blur dropped from a great height. In one deft motion the shadow brandished a long blade. And then, as quick as lightning, the blade pierced through her fragile form.

Warm crimson blood spattered.

And, looking down, Cloud saw that his hands were stained – stained by the same blood.

AAAAAAAAARGH!!!

"CLOUD!!!"

A hand laid itself on his cold, sweating shoulder. The hand, in contrast, was so soft, so warm, albeit a little tense. Cloud hastily glanced toward the hand's owner.

And worried emerald eyes greeted him.

"What's wrong, dear? You were thrashing about, screaming. And then you jerked just like that, sitting up."

Cloud felt his mouth and throat run dry.

"I… I… had a nightmare…"

Without warning at all, Aeris pushed her index finger hard on his nosebridge. Ouch.

"There you go, Mr. Strife!" she reprimanded him. "I _told_ you not too eat too much before bedtime, didn't I? And so you got yourself a nightmare! And in Costa del Sol, of all happy places on the Planet! What did I tell you, huh? Now you've ruined our honeymoon…"

And, in spite of his better self, Cloud's lips began curling upward into a smile.

Damn. Aeris hated him smiling whenever she was carrying out a sermon.

…

They were now out of the Inn, gazing towards the wide sea separating Costa del Sol from Junon. And, of course, they were doing what any couple would do: strolling by the shore, holding hands, you know.

Everything was quiet.

The cool ocean breeze blew against then, mingling auburn hair with flaxen.

The moon shone brightly against the navy blue night sky.

It was Aeris who broke the silence. "So, what was your dream all about, huh?" she asked.

Cloud considered not answering; after all, the mere memory of that nightmare was making him shiver.

Oh, yes… he thought about that, every day, every night, every moment. What could have happened…? What if…?

But those bright green eyes were beckoning him to speak.

"You… you remember… about the events in the Forgotten City… right?" he began.

"Yup," she confirmed, nodding. "What about that?"

"See… well…" he could not go further.

"That's when I prayed for Holy, Sephiroth came crashing down with his longsword, and you parried him and fought him until he retreated, right?" she added, trying to help him. "So, what about that?"

Cloud had never said this to her before. Nor had he allowed Tifa and the others to tell this to her. But, perhaps, now was the time…

"That wasn't everything."

"Hmmm? What do you mean?"

Cloud halted, directly facing her, blue eyes fixed on green. "I… I tried to… kill you before that," he confessed, and then hurriedly added, "no, not like that… ummm… erm… kinda hard to explain… well, the Jenova in me… Sephiroth's will, y'know… was pushing me to. I… raised… my sword, then. I – I tried to fight it. But – but –"

"But it didn't happen, did it?" There she was again, hands behind her, tilting her form, the better to scan his troubled look. "You didn't kill me. Sephiroth failed to kill me. I'm here. We're heroes. You're a hero."

Cloud scratched his head. How could she simplify things just like that?

"Yeah, but…"

_What if I do it again?_ Cloud thought to himself.

"No buts." She said this with a tone of finality. "What's done is done."

But what bodyguard would hurt his charge? He almost did.

"I – I just wanna say… sorry. Sorry for almost hurting you."

Aeris shook her head. In a solemn voice, she said, "I never blamed you. Not even once. You ought to know that, Cloud."

Then a mischievous grin flashed across her moonlit face. "Now, really. You _are_ such a perfect honeymoon buster, you know? Look at what you've done! You even got me emo, for Shiva's sakes!" she exclaimed, beating Cloud's upper arm with her tiny fists. "You should know better than to ruin our moments! If this is how we'd spend the rest of our lives, then I got more than I bargained for, you jerk!"

"Ouch! Hey, hey! I didn't force you to this. _You _pulled this through!" Cloud shouted in response, running away like he had cast Haste upon himself, laughing manically.

Cruel intentions shone through Aeris' emerald eyes. "Oh, so that's how you wanna play, huh?" she called out, actually casting Haste upon herself and chasing after him under the moonlight.

…

_Why are you asking for forgiveness? There's nothing to forgive._

…

Cloud was smiling. As in really smiling. (Or so it was until his newly-wedded wife Aeris caught up with him, at least.)


	3. Surprises, Surprises

"Oh, man…"

Cloud decided that he loved it here in Costa del Sol. Too bad they'd have to leave soon. Boohoo.

Actually, it was Aeris, his newly-wedded wife, who had suggested a honeymoon in the said beach resort. Apparently she had been toying with the idea ever since they first set foot on the place, following Sephiroth's bloody trail.

"Hey Cloud, you remember that beach resort? Costa del Sol?" she had asked the day before they were married.

"Yeah."

"Oh, don't give me just one of your apathetic shrugs! You meanie! Oh, what was I saying again? Ah… The warm weather, the aquamarine sea…" her voice had become dreamy.

"Mmmhmm. The babes…"

"Cloud?!"

He had only but managed to suppress a chuckle. "What? I'm a man, remember? It's natural." At that a shrewd, knowing smirk had played upon his lips. "Don't tell me you're getting all jelly," he added in a sing-song voice.

"What, of scantily-clad younger girls with drop-dead bodies?" Cloud could have sworn that her voice had been dripping venom then. "Well, I've heard of macho hunks with only their short shorts to hide some _big 'uns_ in Costa, too."

And that had made Cloud stop smirking.

Anyway… Now he was lying on a white wooden recliner by the seashore, taking in the sun's rays (whatever the scientists had to say about prolonged UV exposure), gazing at the silent sea.

_Perfect_. _It's all perfect. Too bad, though... Wish I can stay._

"Now, now, and what are you doing just lying around, prettie sweetie?"

It was a teasing girl-voice.

Soft hands began caressing his forehead.

Mmm. That massage felt good. Cloud closed his eyes in pleasure.

"Yeah, babe," Cloud murmured after a while. "What'd you say if we let my homely wife be and have some fun, eh?"

"Hey!" the voice exclaimed. "I resent that!"

Cloud felt a soft slap across his face as a light load pressed itself against his thighs. He opened his eyes.

Hmm... Maybe his wife wasn't so homely after all.

She had long, satin-white, silky-smooth arms and legs. She had a thin but shapely frame. She had killer hips. She had fine, long coffee-colored hair, which she had let down. And, by Bahamut! She had a mind-blastin' face: you know, the fair complexion, the smiling lips, the emerald eyes… GAWD… those sparkling eyes… those offended-looking (_gulp!_) eyes…

"Oh!" he started in mock surprise. "It was you all along? Ooops!"

"Ha-ha…" she laughed dryly. "_And _for all I know you might as well say that to any stunningly pretty chick you'd come across."

Cloud grinned, cocking his head like he always did. "Yeah, well, too bad for 'em I saw you first, huh?" But then, the idea of his wife, as sexily attired as she was now, getting spotted by other good-looking males suddenly made him jealous.

Wow. Vengeance was swift.

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not the supermodel type," Aeris retorted.

Okay. Maybe she wasn't aware of how damn gorgeous she was that moment, after all.

"What? I think you're… um… _pretty_," Clod commented.

"Really?" she asked, pushing the matter further, giggling. "I'm not… whachamacallit... _homely_?"

"Nuh-uh," he replied, nodding his head, snuggling her. Then, he sighed. "This is all so beautiful…"

Too bad they'd have to leave.

…

"You've packed everything, honey?" Aeris called out.

"Yeah…" Cloud drawled, snapping luggage shut, and then heaving it over the counter. What a bummer.

"Okay, then!"

How could she afford to be all perky and playful just before leaving this paradise? And how come she never had to do the packing? Swear, life was so unfair.

"Well, we're ready to go," he announced. He quietly bade goodbye to the tropical atmosphere, cedar flooring, the flower-decorated walls, the excellent ice cream, the cheerful (albeit scantily-clad) locals, and the picturesque sunset view offered by the windows.

"Oh, yeah – Cloud! Come here, quick!"

_What now?_ If she'd ask him to cough up some money for the bills, then it'd be the last straw. He gloomily trudged his way to where she was, right back to room number 115.

"What now?" he almost growled.

"I say, look at that big house, Cloud!"

He stared into the sight outside. 'Big' was actually an understatement for the casa standing outside. It grew two stories high, of excellent masonry, with beautiful stained-glass windows and red tiles for a roof. Great. Now she had to show that really expensive mansion to him. What a way to make him feel worse.

"We've seen that before, remember?" he replied, almost spitting it out irately.

"Yup!" she chirped brightly. "About two million gil, right? Wow. What a price."

Cloud rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for making me feel better about leaving, dear."

Aeris flashed her most mischievous smile. "Actually, you can thank me after seeing this," she declared, pulling out (conjuring from thin air, almost) a small attaché case, opening it, and showing its contents.

And Cloud was simply confounded by what he saw.

"N-n-no… w-way…" he stammered.

"Oh, yes way," she grinned, jokingly sniffing the crisp army of paper money stacked inside the case. "Say hello to my secret stash."

"H-h-hello…" he continued to stammer, positively drooling.

"Wow. You look like Yuffie after seeing all our Materia way back then."

"B-b-but, w-where…? How…?"

She shook her head, still smiling, and shoved his words aside with her hands. "Oh, by being thrifty," she replied airily. "One ought to prepare for the future, you know. Besides, Reeve gave a teeny-weeny contribution. I tried to talk him to it, though; I said he'd need that for the WRO, but, well… Then Barret gave some from the oil profits… Tifa helped too… and Cid… and everyone…" she trailed away before returning on track, "Oh, and that's only 3.8 million in total. But it'd be a good kick-off, no?"

"Y-y-yeah… T-thanks..."

Hah. Tifa was right; Aeris _did _think about the future a lot. A _real_ lot. Thank goodness.

"And now, say goodbye to this hotel and say hi to the Casa Cloud!" she exclaimed brightly, winking, and then hugging him.

And Cloud could have sworn that the Victory Fanfare was playing through his head.


	4. Names Are A Matter Of Honor

Cloud's philosophy was that there was no such thing as 'too early' when it came to important matters such as having kids. With that mindset, he pulled his wife (who wasn't so keen on the idea) all the way into Seventh Heaven to consult Tifa.

"Okay, here's the deal. Aeris names the girls, while you get to name the boys. How's that, Cloud?" the barmaid finished, slide-serving her best brand of beer to the frowning blond seated by the customer's side of the counter.

"Wheeeee!" Aeris, squealing in delight, hugged her best friend as tightly as she possibly could. "Thanks for agreeing with me! You're the best, Tifa!"

Unfortunately, democracy (the rule of the majority) was one philosophy Cloud never subscribed to.

"Not fair," he groaned sullenly. "You two are conspiring against me!" Then, turning to Aeris, he snapped, "And I thought you didn't really care about this?"

The girls' eyebrows shot as far as possible.

"Oh, since you're obviously so annoyed, I decided to take a more active participation. And why isn't that fair, pray tell?" the flower girl inquired.

"Well, we all know that women breed more than men! Check the statistics!" he half-shouted, as if all the girls in the world had done him a grave wrong by supporting his wife and her nest friend.

"That's… gross! Did he just refer to us like we're some sort of chocobos, Tifa?"

Aeris' lips were curling upwards in derision. Let's just say that Cloud wasn't so good with choosing words.

"Sure sounded like that. Only chocobos are bred, when last I checked," the barmaid agreed, returning a similar grin.

Cloud decided to ignore their snide comments. "Well, I'm even gonna bet that our first would be a girl," he proclaimed.

"And that would be wrong… why?" both demanded, their tone menacing.

"Because I wouldn't be able to give the first name!"

"Well, well… nevuh knew ickle hunneykins wunna give furwst name to ouwr wee furwst baby," Aeris mock-cooed in a baby voice.

"Awww… so sweet!" Tifa seconded, adding to the shattering of Cloud's cool manhood.

"This is hopeless…" he sighed, shaking his head in frustration.

"Y'know whuut, hunney?" Aeris leaned closer to him, propping her cheek against her little fist and her arm against the counter. "Since I lurv yoo sooo much, I'll make a little dare."

A dare? Uh-oh. The last time she had won the dare game, Aeris revved Fenrir, his precious motorcycle, and rode it like there would be no more tomorrow. (And that meant he had to take the heavily mauled bike to Cid for repairs the next day.)

"I don't like it when you win," he responded curtly.

"Oh, but you're _so_ sure that our first would be a baby girl, right?" she countered. "Like, as you've said, 'women breed more –'"

"Yes, yes, I know what I've said, and it sounded funny! Alright?!" Cloud cut her off in exasperation. The pain! The torture!

"Okay, sunshine," she replied, winking. "So, if it _will be_ a baby girl, then you… hmmm…" she thought for a possible reward.

"Let me have the remote control for a whole week?" Cloud eagerly requested.

Uh-oh. TV domination.

"That," she consented, then continued in her naughtiest tone, her lips smiling meaningfully, "_and more_."

Cloud almost blushed at that; he tried his best to suppress himself from jumping up and doing his Victory Cheer. Oh yeaaaaah!!!

(I'd explicitly say that it would be a l+?($+?e fest, but I'm trying to maintain the rating low, so, well…)

"BUT!" Aeris was quick to bring out the consequence, wagging her index finger. "If the first one's a baby boy… then… well, well, well… I rather miss _Cloudette_, you know."

Cloud gulped as evil memories flooded their way back inside his head. Oh no. _Oh no. OH NO!_ The golden wig, the shimmering blue dress, the… gulp… _make-up…!_

Even the memory of Sephiroth barely managed to make its way as his worst against… _Cloudette_.

"You think it'll be _fun_ to invite her into our place for a week, dear?" Aeris commented, apparently too thrilled with the prospect of meeting her 'pretty friend' yet again. She turned to Tifa for support. "Whachathink, Teef?"

"Oh yeah!" Tifa whooped. "It'd be nice for her to drop over here, too. I daresay the bar needs a muse. I, for one, will be really grateful if Cloudette would drop by again."

"Oh no, Teef. Not you too!" Cloud exclaimed in horror, growing green this time.

"So," Aeris resumed, taking on a more businesslike tone. "Is it a deal?"

This was even worse than the Fenrir incident!

"I thought you're so sure?! Oh, don't tell me you're gonna do a fried chocobo, hon. C'mon, think of all the _benefits_!"

_I've got to be crazy_, Cloud mused to himself.

"…Fine. Let's do this thing."

"Okay then!" Aeris chirped cheerily. "And, oh Cloud," she went on, now sporting the most mischievous smile of the millennium, "I kept your _friend's_ dress. It's in my dresser. Just thought you ought to know."

The things Cloud would do out of manly pride…


	5. Final Fantasy VII The Musical?

_Wow! I get hits that quickly? (Sniffs…)Oh, thanks a lot! Continue the R & Rs !_

_I do not own Final Fantasy VII. I made that clear last last last last time. But, now I have to add more things-I-don't-own into the list. I don't own Julia Heartily of FF8, Eyes on Me, Satisfaction, Grow Old with You, Out of My League or the Aeris Theme (which the character would "attempt" to play here And I merely mangled Disney's I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts for Yuffie.) _

* * *

"And what may you be doing now?" 

Cloud found his partner facing their newly-bought piano, stroking the keys. Hah. He never knew she was musically inclined. But then again, coming from the slums, it was probably her first time to actually _touch_ a piano, so…

"What does it look like?" she answered witheringly. "I'm playing music, Cloud. _Music_."

Aeris began tapping the keys. A high note. A lower note. And a still lower one. Wow. Such music.

"Such music," Cloud snorted.

She paid no attention to him. Apparently, she was on the verge of a major musical breakthrough.

"Hey, Cloud, look! I actually composed something!" she breathed excitedly, singing in tune to the melody she was playing. "Do-ti-la-sol-miiii… do-ti-la-tiii-(higher octave)mi-miii...!"

Hmmm. Not bad.

"Yey…" was all Cloud managed to say.

"…mi-fa-sol-fa-mi-ree… sol-fa-re-mi-re," she concluded. "Am I _good_ or what?"

"…"

"What? I deserve a response, Cloud!" she nagged him.

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, "I can't believe I married a six-year-old trapped in a twenty-five-year-old's body."

"Try Yuffie," she snapped back.

"That one's a _three year old_."

"I c-can't believe it! Y-y-you're s-so --- MEAN!"

She was pouting her lips, and her eyes – her irresistible bright-green eyes – were watering.

_Oh no! Not the 'puppy pout' again!_

"Okay, okay! Sorry! Just – just don't cry or somethin'!" Cloud was yelling frantically, holding his hands up in surrender.

Aeris smirked triumphantly. Her technique always worked. _Always_.

"Hah! Now you have to make it up to me reaaaaal baaaad!" she demanded.

"Fine. The TV's all yours," Cloud offered. To his great surprise, however, Aeris declined; she shook her head with as large motions as she could, her long tresses swaying furiously.

"Oh, no, wise guy. I have a better idea than that."

…

At the evening…

"You invited the everyone --- JUST FOR THIS?!?!"

Wow. Cloud's Mako-blue eyes were actually twitching!

"Yup. In fact, they're kinda keen on the idea, too."

"But – but -!" he sputtered. He couldn't – just _couldn't, _dammit! – sing in front of people!

"Ah, ah, ah!" Aeris held up a finger. "No buts. And, I mean, come on, we all have to get together once in a while, hmm?" she said, as if that would settle things for good. "And, oh yes, you've already got your piece? Even Reno's got one."

At a sideward glance, Cloud caught the redhead Turk practicing.

"Push me… and then just hurt me… until I get my… SATISFACTION! OHHHH YEEEEAAAAH!!!" Reno whooped, swinging his EMR like some sort of dance baton.

Okay. Was _that_ even allowed? It was virtually lyrics-free!

Ifrit be damned.

…

"OOOOO-KAAAAY!" Cait Sith was once again screaming through his megaphone. "As you see folks, Tifa's Seventh Heaven Bar was reserved (again) by our gang for, y'know, a little get-together…"

"Get on it, you f$(+in' cat!" Cid growled.

"…and as this is our dear friend _Mrs. _Aeris' idea, we are…"

"My gun-arm's ready ter give yeh a shot, cat!" Barret bellowed. "No more dilly-dallyin'!"

"Tch. Fine. Let the bloody contest begin."

First off was the barmaid (and now the bar owner) Tifa Lockheart herself. The crowd (which meant the AVALANCHE members, Reno, Rude, and Elena) cheered and clapped and (in Reno's case) wolf-whistled as she went up the stage wearing a long cerulean gown.

"Erm…This song," she began, "…is from Julia Heartily's album, Love Songs. Umm… entitled _… Eyes on Me_.

I never sang my songs  
On the stage, on my own  
I never said my words  
Wishing they would be heard  
I saw you smiling at me  
Was it real or just my fantasy  
You'd always be there in the corner  
Of this tiny little bar  
My last night here for you  
Same old songs, just once more  
My last night here with you?  
Maybe yes, maybe no  
I kind of liked it your way  
How you shyly placed your eyes on me  
Oh, did you ever know?  
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face  
As if you're never hurt  
As if you're never down  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure  
If frown is shown then  
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you  
Close as I want to be  
Close enough for me  
To feel your heart beating fast  
And stay there as I whisper  
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me  
Did you ever know  
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me  
Your love if you have enough  
Your tears if you're holding back  
Or pain if that's what it is  
How can I let you know  
I'm more than the dress and the voice  
Just reach me out then  
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face  
As if you're never hurt  
As if you're never down  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure  
If frown is shown then  
I will know that you are no dreamer

Thank you!"

Everyone broke into a loud applause – heh, a standing ovation, even – as Tifa made her way down. Her voice was… so… lovely! (And somehow, somewhat sad, but… well, _c'est la vie_.)

Rude concluded that Seventh Heaven was _indeed_ heaven.

"And there you have it, folks! Beautiful, beautiful indeed!" Cait Sith was wiping mock tears from his permanently closed cat eyes. "And now… sniff… let's hear it from… Yuffie!"

"Oh, yeah!" cheered Yuffie, attired in her everyday outfit.

Then, a cricket's song was deafeningly audible all throughout the bar.

"Um, heheheh… right," Yuffie murmured, climbing the stage. Then, regaining 'composure', she went on, "So, you thought I won't be singing? Ha! You were all wrong! 'Coz I'm the Great Ninja, Yuffie, and I can do _anything!_ Nyuk nyuk nyuk! … So, as I was saying… _ANYTHING,_ including sing! Bet you're all excited now! Hah! Nyuk nyuk nyuk! So, the song… well, it's gonna be a real good song, 'coz, um… you know… I'm the Great… Ninja… Yuff –"

"Just get on with it, Yuffie," Vincent drawled.

"Oh," Yuffie mildly exclaimed, sounding disconcerted. "Well…

Down at the English fair  
One evening I was there  
When I heard a showman shouting underneath the flair:  
I've got a lovely bunch of Materia  
(dee dee dee dee dee!)  
There they are standing in a row  
Big ones small ones some as big as your head  
Give 'em a twist  
A flick of the wrist  
That's wut the show man said  
Now that I've got a lovely bunch of Materia  
Everybody knows they'll make me rich  
There stands me wife  
(Though I can't have one!)  
The idle of me life  
Singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch  
Singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch  
Rolly bowly ball  
A rolly bowly ball  
Singing rolly bowly ball a penny a pinch  
I've got a lovely bunch of Materia  
(how lovely!)  
There they are standing in a row  
(1-2-3-4!)  
Big ones small ones some as big as your head  
(and bigger!)  
Give 'em a twist  
A flick of the wrist  
That's wut the show man said  
Now that i've got a lovely bunch of Materia  
Everybody knows they'll make me rich  
(Have a banana!)  
There stands me Strife  
(hiya, Cloud!)  
The idle of me life  
Singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch  
Singing a rolly bowly ball a penny a pitch  
Rolly bowly ball  
A rolly bowly ball  
Singing rolly bowly ball penny a pinch…

…eh… heheh… heheh…"  
Yuffie, without further ado, left the stage, devoid of spirit (and applause).

"…Right," Cait Sith concluded awkwardly. "And now, Reno!"

Polite applause.

"Hey, yo!" he began, waving cheerily. (He was wearing his uniform sloppily, as usual.) "Nice 'un, Yuffie! Well, anyways, I'm dedicatin' this to me lovey-dovey, 'Laney! So you better watch carefully, yo!" he leered, winking naughtily at the blond Turk who shot him a dirty look in return. "Awwwwch! You hurt me, 'Laney! Well, anyway, music please…"

The next few minutes went down into history with Reno …erm… _pole-dancing_… to the tune of _Satisfaction_.

And the crowd was stunned.

"Well, thanks, y'all!"

With that Reno descended the stage with the air of a proud conqueror returning home in triumph.

"Reno, I'm not sure if trying to impress Judge Elena would work," Cait Sith remarked, peering over to where the judges, Elena (whose good mood was ruined for "unknown reasons"), Vincent, and Red XIII, were convening. "But, well, good luck.

"And here's our little own Aeris herself! Ladies and gents!"

And there she was alright, climbing the stage, wearing a shimmering, (and Reno, the lord of whatever-he's-lord-of, gasped at this) backless red dress. And her silken brunette hair was brought down like an elegant waterfall.

"Well, blow me down, yo… if half the males of Midgar were here… and she's but a freakin' flower lady, me thought…"

"Wow. She took time to fix herself," said Rude.

"Y-Y-YOU CAN TALK?!?!?!?!" yelled a surprised Yuffie at Rude.

"…"

"Damn. Spikey sure is lucky, huh?" Barret commented.

Cid found no swearwords apt for the purpose.

"Hi!" Aeris was waving. "Ummm… you all saw a ghost?"

Reno was still gaping at her, jaw dropped. Tseng was right…! He had seen the light! Oh well…

"Hmmm… _riiiight_… anyway, my song's for my dearie, Cloud, who's kind enough to let me organize this get-together for me." She flashed a meaningful grin at Cloud (to which he replied with a baleful glare). She then cleared her throat. "_Grow Old with You:_

I wanna make you smile whenever youre sad  
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad  
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches  
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks  
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you  
I'll kiss you  
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll need you  
I'll feed you  
Even let you hold the remote control

(Everyone snickered at this; they all knew how TVphilic Cloud was.)

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink  
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink  
I could be the girl who grows old with you  
I wanna grow old with you

Wow. I've always wanted to do this!"

No applause.

Everyone was just… too… stunned. Even Cloud. It was … so… beautiful!

Cait Sith was the first to recover. "Okay! Seems like a winner, folks!" he cried out as Aeris returned to the crowd. That was like a wake-up call for the audience, who began clapping at once. "But, maybe it's too early to judge yet! Here's our final contestant… Cloud!"

Wow. Another stunner. All eyes turned to Cloud, who merely shrugged resignedly.

"Yeah," he conceded. "I'm coming."

…

It seemed to take hours for him to end his trudging and finally reach the stage. No applause. Everyone was merely gazing stupidly at him.

_I'm dead._

"Well… uh…"

_I'm dead!_

"I… dunno how, but… yeah. I'm singing too."

Oh, the shame! He couldn't even afford to give his wife the Evil Eye.

_I'M DEAD!_

"… Yeah."

And so he began, in a very weak voice:

"Erm…

_That face. Odin. I love that face.  
_  
It's her hair and her eyes today  
That just simply take me away  
_Especially today. There she is, staring at me._ _Gawd she's pretty._  
And the feeling that I'm falling further in love  
_Every single day…_  
Makes me shiver, but in a good way

All the times I have sat and stared  
As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair  
_Oh yeah. She loves doing that. Especially during breakfast. Oh, she's doing it now._  
As she purses her lips  
_Like the 'puppy pout' earlier…_  
Bats her eyes  
_Like when she's flirting just for the heck of it…_  
And she plays with me  
_Every moment is fun with her around…_  
sitting there, slack-jawed and nothing to say

'Cause I love her with all that I am  
And my voice shakes  
Along with my hands  
_Hah. She always makes me feel nervous._  
'Cause she's all that I see and she's all that I need  
_And I can't imagine going on without her._  
And I'm out of my league once again

It's a masterful melody  
When she calls out my name to me  
_I like it whenever she calls out, 'Cloud!'_  
As the world spins around her  
She laughs, rolls her eyes  
_The way she laughs… it's like many melodious bells ringing…_  
And I feel like I'm falling  
_Actually, ever since falling down through the church's roof…_  
But it's no surprise

'Cause I love her with all that I am  
And my voice shakes  
Along with my hands  
_What if she were gone?_  
'Cause it's frightening to be  
Swimming in this strange sea  
But I'd rather be here than on land  
_No. She's here. She's not lost. I have no reason to be afraid._  
Yes she's all that I see  
_Yes, she's all that I see…_  
And she's all that I need  
_And, yes, she's all that I need…_  
And I'm out of my league once again.

_By the gods… I'm thankful for bringing her to me. I dunno if I deserve her, but thank gods she's here for me, with me, in me._

Thank you."

…

No one was reacting.

"…" (Barret didn't know Cloud could sing. And _sing well_ at that.)

"…" (Cid's very _mind_ was lost for swearwords.)

"…" (Reno vowed to practice singing from now on. Heck, if that voice was what charmed Aeris, then Reno could possibly win 'Laney over…)

"…" (Yuffie was wondering if there was a Materia for good singing.)

"…" (Tifa never knew he could…)

"…" (Red XIII concluded that humans would never fail to surprise him from then on.)

"…" (Vincent was Vincent.)

"…" (Reeve --- miles away from Cait Sith --- considered improving his puppet's vocal chords.)

"…" (Elena was just surprised.)

"…" (Rude was Rude.)

"…" (_Oh, Cloud…!_)

Cloud, now completely ashamed, rushed over to his partner's side.

"This is your fault…" he uttered through gritted teeth.

"If so, then I'm owning the blame. That's just _so_ wonderful, Cloud…"

"I-I-I guess the winner's CLEAR!" pronounced the stuffed cat.

But our couple wasn't paying attention. They were busy.

* * *

Wow! I can't believe it! My longest chapter ever! Ahahahaha!

Next stop? Aeris gets a little too conscious and asks Cloud about her luscious hair. Heheheh keep R&R -ing!


	6. The TV or Us?

Cloud had just beaten the world record for watching uninterrupted TV. He'd been like that for years! Well… almost.

"Cloud. Cloud, dear. Do you hear me?"

"Hnh."

"You left Fenrir standing by the driveway."

"Hmmm."

"It will get smashed into bits if a car hits it."

"…Okay."

"If you don't listen, _I will smash your precious Fenrir._"

"Sure."

Uh-huuuuh. _That_ didn't work?! Aeris felt confused. Fenrir was the one thing Cloud loved more than all others! (In fact she felt a little jealous of it.) But then, Cloud also loved their PC before he let her break it with her staff.

_Great is the power of TV!_

_Great. Meteor might have fallen right then and there – and he still wouldn't care. _

_Sephiroth might just come back to life and Cloud wouldn't know until Masamune peeks out through him… Wait. Maybe he wouldn't even notice that._

Well, if all else were to fail, Aeris was certain that she could always summon Knights of the Round…

Or…

"Oh, Cloud?" She began, sitting on the arm of the big plushy chair Cloud would always occupy during his TV sessions. "Don't you think my hair is a little too long already?"

…

"W-WHAT?!" Cloud sputtered.

Girls and their propensity to be super conscious!  
Oookay… so Curly, Larry, and Moe could wait…

"It's fine just like that!" he insisted, turning to face Aeris.

"No! I think I need a haircut."

H-h-haircut?

Oh Bahamut! She's standing up… she's looking at the mirror!

Was she _actually_ considering–!?

_Notgoodnotgoodnotgoodnotgood!_

She was staring at her reflection, swaying, hands clasped behind her.

"You know, I look like an old maid."

?! Who told her _that_?!

Cloud decided to practice wielding his old buddy Ultima Weapon once again.

"You don't."

"I do."

"You _don't_."

"I do."

"…"

"I do, and I'm getting that haircut."

NO!

"NOOO!"

"Hmmm? What did you say?"

No, darn it!

"Look, Aeris," Cloud began, half shouting in his objection. "You don't have to have your hair cut! I like your hair! It's long and flowing and graceful, and all that. And you _don't _look like an old maid. You look _pretty. Gorgeous. Stunning._

"You're beautiful enough just the way you are."

…

Wow.

And he _said_ all that?

"Geez, Cloud… I – I'm… flattered."

Aeris began unconsciously adjusting her bangs.

"Don't be. What I said was perfectly true."

_That… that was… sweet, Cloud._

Holy Odin… was he… turning red?

_Uh-oh. I – I'm blushing too!_

"I – I… I don't know what to say. I'm so glad…"

(And Cloud was no longer paying attention to the EEEEEBUL magical box aka TV, which was good.)

"So…" Cloud spoke again at length, clearly recovering from the _awkward_ moment.

And Aeris giggled.

…

_What now?!_

Why on the Planet was she giggling?

_Oh, great. Now she's laughing. Now I'm starting to wonder if I had married a psycho._

"Oh, Cloud! That was _priceless!_" she was crying out in jubilance, positively beaming. "And I got you to turn away from the TV, too!"

"…"

"Oh, and I'm going to have my hair cut anyway," Aeris added. "It's getting hard to see with my bangs covering my eyes, you know."

* * *

_Yeah, I know. It's short. __Meh... I guess I'm losing my flair. Boohoo so sad.  
So, you think I still ought to continue this? Or should I wrap up? Is this fic still adorable? Reviews are loved. Criticisms are appreciated. Flames are allowed. Swearwords and/or insults and/or bashings are ignored._

_TY!_


	7. Bob and Bodyguard

_Me: Holy Minerva! Cloud's opening up more and more! Such evil! The world's gonna end! Waaaah!_

_Aeris: That's called _**character development**_, silly._

_Me: Oh…_

_I still own nothing. Or something quite near to nothing. –Whitelight-Fluffy_

* * *

It was… horrible! (For Cloud, anyway.) Of all that she could have possibly done to herself, _why_ did she have to have her nice "long silky tresses" cut short – into a hideous _bob!_

A _BOB!_

…Ehem…

Which leads us to the living room of their nice house in Costa del Sol, with Cloud lying down on the wooden sofa, gazing out to the sea some meters away (he had not watched the TV _at all_ since his partner had her hair cut) and Aeris bustling around, humming a merry tune.

"Dear," he spat out, unable to bear the silence anymore. "Has _anybody_ told you that you look like some funny-looking, hyperactive, kleptomaniac ninja lately?"

Aeris frowned at that. Cloud never meant a good thing by mentioning (or alluding to) Yuffie.

"Why, what's wrong with her, hmmm?" she asked in return, putting her hands behind her and peering through his blue eyes. "She's nice."

"…Erm, yeah, well… she'd be okay if she's not calling (and yelling) by 6 – 7 in the morning and is not so nosy and is not out to steal my Materia at every single opportunity..."

_In short_, said Translating Cloud-speak for Dummies manual,_ Yuffie is a brat._

Aeris sighed. He was obviously making such a big fuss about it; he even threw poor Yuffie into the fire.

"If you're so offended by my new hairdo," she breathed out, "you could always close your eyes, Cloud."

"Yeah. I'll do that."

---

…Three minutes later…

"Cloud! Stop snoring!"

Then, giggling.

"Wha-?!"

"Wake up, silly!"

Oh… that voice!

Cloud smiled.

Everything sad was going to become untrue!

He had such a horrible dream. (Maybe it's because of too much TV.)

Now, he was going to wake up, open his eyes, see his pretty long-haired love…

Cloud opened his eyes.

"GAAAAAAAH!"

Startled, Aeris jumped back, one step away from Cloud (who had thrashed violently – as in seizure-like) upon laying eyes on her. "Ooookay…" she remarked. He didn't have to rub it in, really! "I know you find my hair stupid, but that's too much now, don't you think?"

"I-I-it was true! IT WAS TRUE!" Cloud shouted, apparently out of his wits.

"What's true?"

"T-the dream! With you! And your… hair! AAAAAARGH!"

"Cloud…"

"Oh my gawd, oh my gawd! So _horrible…!_"

"_Cloud…_"

"I WON'T OVERWATCH TV AGAIN, I SWEAAAR-!!!"

"CLOUD!"

Ouch. That jab in the gut hurt. Somehow.

"Calm now? Good. Look, Cloud. If you really couldn't stand it –" – Aeris tied her hair, or what was left of it, anyway, into a ponytail (but with the 'tail' quite short though) "– we can fix it, see?"

_Well, it's a _slight_ improvement, _thought Cloud. The keyword was '_slight'_.

"There. Happy? Now," She continued, picking up a wicker basket, "can you kindly escort me downtown, dear? I've just noticed that our supplies are low, and we really _do_ have to go to the market. And no Fenrir, please. I don't feel so good."

_Nor do I_. Cloud's inner self chuckled darkly.

"I'm not coming with you," he answered. "With hair like that? People would think I'm a loser for marrying such a homely girl, no?"

But Aeris was smirking – well, smiling, really, but it was _so_ sweet it meant utter torture… Punishment for Cloud! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

…Ehem…

"Oh, but you don't have a choice. You're my _bodyguard_, right?"

Oh no…

"So you'd have to protect me. _All the time_."

Grrr.

If only Cloud didn't love her so much…

* * *

_Great. I'm now so lazy, I'm writing shorter and shorter chapters._

_But if you may, please..._

_Reviews (ice cream) are loved. Criticsms (medicines) are appreciated. Flames (bland soups) are tolerated. Swearwords(fish diet for a week) are ignored. Curses (fish diet for a WHOLE FREAKIN YEAR) are ... well, you get the idea._

_Have fun!_


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